


Space Romance

by EntreNous



Category: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Genre: Cryogenics, IN SPACE!, M/M, Outer Space, Pranks and Practical Jokes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2007-12-05
Updated: 2007-12-05
Packaged: 2017-12-13 20:45:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,202
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/828689
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EntreNous/pseuds/EntreNous
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Humans need to make a big fuss over small things, like waking up from a deep freeze after a few hundred years.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Space Romance

**Author's Note:**

> Written for fall-for-sx over at LJ.

"Oh my god," Xander shrieked. He stumbled forward to point an accusing finger at Spike. "First you had me cryogenically frozen, and can I just say, never ever asked me first if I wanted to be a ready-for-revival human popsicle? Then you unfreeze me a thousand years later while we're on a spaceship hurtling through the unknown quadrants of the expanding universe?"

Spike sat back in a captain's chair and examined his nail polish. "'Bout sums it up, yeah," he answered finally.

"Oh my god!" Xander shrieked again. He rushed over to the various walls in the room in turn, but none of them had anything like a window or porthole through which he could see the outside.

"Why aren't you wearing some kind of space suit thingy, or U.F.O. uniform?" he asked as he whirled back to face Spike, who had meanwhile put up his boot-clad feet on some sort of control panel.

"Oh, come on." Spike tugged at his t-shirt, then fingered the hole in the right knee of his black jeans. "Just because space travel is now possible and the human race is in threat of extinction. That's no reason for us all to look like berks in some sort of miracle fabric unitards."

Xander bounced around the cabin anxiously while Spike clicked a few switches on his control panel. One of the machines made a _ping!_ , and Xander jumped before hopping forward as though he'd meant to leap through the air for no reason at all.

"It's just the two of us?" Xander asked finally.

"No."

"No?" Xander shouted in panic.

"No. I have a whole crew of blood-starved vampires just outside, who are going to have their wicked way with you. Then they're going to shunt you out into the vast abyss beyond the ship, just so we can all watch you explode and have a good laugh over it," Spike replied.

After Xander turned purple and started making _eep_ -ing sounds, Spike exhaled noisily through his teeth. "That was just a joke, by the by."

"A joke? A _joke_?" Xander's purple face went red. "Nuh uh! You are going to have to stop telling panic-inducing crappy jokes for the next hour at least! No way am I used to being brought back to life in another millennium and threatened with bad sci-fi death scenarios."

Spike shrugged. "Thought it would lighten the mood a bit, but suit yourself."

Xander scuttled around the cabin for a while. Though he didn't ask Spike outright to open either of the two doors leading away from the captain's deck, he pressed his hands to the sliding panels and uttered whimpering sounds.

At last he flapped his arms a little and blurted, "Okay, but just -- why?"

"Would have thought that would be the first question," Spike mused.

"It's the question now!"

"Well. Get bored, being all by myself. So I had the lot of you iced up, and I've been defrosting you one by one to have some company. None of them wanted to be turned, though, so eventually..." Spike made a strangled noise and yanked his fist in the air in a jerking motion next to his neck.

Xander went white.

"Really, you could be an exhibit," Spike remarked. "All the colors of the rainbow, you are."

Xander stalked over to the chair. "You're telling me that you made your way through deep-freeze Willow, Giles, Buffy, and Dawn, and possibly Tara and/or Oz, depending on how many of us you kidnapped, just so you could amuse yourself in this space traveling hunk of tin, and then let each of them die?" Something flitted over Xander's expression, and then he yelled, "And you left me for _last_ What am I, not fun enough?"

Spike stretched. "No."

Xander actually grabbed him by the scuff of his shirt and shook hard. " _No_ I'm not fun enough?"

"No to the first question. Was joking again."

While Xander gaped and let go of Spike's black t-shirt, Spike jumped to his feet and ambled over to a standing console. "I have the rest frozen out in the hull, and I'll get 'em nice and warm in a bit." He checked the status of a gauge of some sort, and made a note on a clipboard. "Was frozen myself, truth be told, until the ship's computer figured out that we were getting near a planet that was both habitable and non-hostile. That's why it's taken a little time; had to line up the proper situation." He discarded the clipboard and sashayed back over to Xander. "Be a bit pointless, wouldn't it, going through the trouble to save you all from a demonically-summoned plague to wipe out people, if I wasn't going to take you to a place where they'd let you live. So, yeah, all your pals will be out of their trance-like frozen state in a bit. I thought I'd wake you up first, explain a little."

Xander buried his face in his hands. "Why didn't you just say all this at the start?"

Got your adrenaline going nice and quick," Spike observed. "Good for what ails you."

Xander huffed and walked over to a railing in front of what looked like a screen. "You're insane. And I'm still mad at you for making me a popsicle for a thousand years without telling me first."

Spike grinned and edged up behind him. At first when he curled his arms around Xander's torso, Xander jerked away. But when Spike nuzzled first his neck and then his ear, Xander slumped backwards.

"Missed you," Spike noted as he rubbed against Xander.

"Couldn't have been that much, if you kept me on ice for a thousand years," Xander retorted, but he clutched at Spike's hands.

"Come on, love. I said a moment ago that I was out of it myself the whole while, or weren't you paying attention? Soon as I was awake and knew what was what, I set your chamber to defrost you."

Xander scowled, but after a moment he allowed Spike to catch his chin and turn his mouth to be kissed. They were well on their way past the first hesitant brush of the lips and on to full throttle tongue maneuverings when Xander wrenched his head away.

"You know, I would not put it past you to...to get some demon freaky friend of yours to set up some cancelled mixed-genre sci-fi show's set just to try to pull a fast one on me."

"Oh, pet," Spike said. He sounded deeply disappointed.

"So? Prove that we're in space," Xander insisted.

Spike sighed and reached for a remote. He clicked, and the view screen before them shimmered to life, showing the span of space, planets, and stars that lay ahead of them.

With a strange burbling sound, Xander fainted in Spike's arms.

"Oh, for the love of --" Spike hauled Xander over to the first mate's station and propped him up in the chair. "Vampires, bring them back from the dead and they come out of the grave fighting. Humans, you just shoot them into space and make them sleep in a sub-zero chamber for a bit, and they get all bent out of sorts."


End file.
